Glossary
Femdom Glossary the words, plainly explained
Mistress, switch, protocol, aftercare: what people mean when they use them, in a sentence or two each.
This femdom glossary explains the words you'll meet on Mistress Slaves (mistressslaves.com) and across the female-led lifestyle, from Mistress, sub and switch to FLR, findom, limits and aftercare. Each term gets a short, plain definition, so nobody has to pretend they already know what it means.
Roles
- Mistress
- A woman who takes the dominant role. On a dating site it's usually a lifestyle title, not a job: she leads because she enjoys it, and many like to be addressed that way.
- Domme
- Short for a female dominant. Some women prefer it to Mistress because it feels less formal.
- Dominatrix
- Often used for a professional who charges for sessions. Plenty of lifestyle Mistresses use the word as well, so ask what someone means by it.
- Submissive (sub)
- The person who hands over control, inside limits both people have agreed. Being submissive in a scene says nothing about how someone runs the rest of their life.
- Slave
- A sub in a deeper, usually longer-term arrangement, often with rules that reach beyond the bedroom. It's a role chosen freely, and it can be ended at any time.
- Switch
- Someone who enjoys both sides: leading with one partner and following with another, or changing with their mood.
- Brat
- A sub who pushes back playfully to provoke a reaction. It suits some Mistresses and exasperates others, so it's worth mentioning on your profile.
- Vanilla
- Sex and relationships without kink. It isn't an insult, just the word for everything outside the lifestyle.
Relationships
- Femdom
- Female domination: any dynamic in which the woman leads. It covers everything from a single scene to an entire relationship.
- Female-led relationship (FLR)
- A relationship where she makes the decisions, by agreement. It can be gentle or strict, and BDSM may or may not come into it. More on our female-led relationships page.
- D/s
- Dominance and submission: the power side of a relationship, as opposed to the physical play.
- M/s
- Mistress (or Master) and slave: a D/s relationship with more structure and a deeper commitment.
- Total power exchange (TPE)
- An arrangement in which the sub hands over control of most areas of life. It takes a great deal of trust, and a lot of talking first.
- Protocol
- The agreed rules of behaviour in a dynamic: how the sub speaks, sits, asks permission or greets their Mistress.
- Honorific
- A title used as a mark of respect, such as Mistress, Ma'am or Goddess. Ask which one she prefers before you use any.
- Collar
- A symbol of belonging. Being collared often marks a committed stage in a relationship, rather like going steady.
- Contract
- A written list of rules, limits and expectations that a couple agree together. It isn't legally binding; it's a way of checking that both people want the same things.
Play
- Scene
- A session of play that's agreed beforehand, with an obvious beginning and end.
- Findom
- Financial domination: for the sub, handing money or presents to a dominant they know well is part of the thrill. Strangers demanding cash are scammers, not findoms. See our findom page.
- Tribute
- A gift or payment from a sub to a dominant. Between people who know each other it can be part of the dynamic; asked of a stranger, it's a warning sign.
- Chastity
- Play built around the sub giving their Mistress control over their own pleasure, sometimes with a locked device and the key in her keeping.
- Impact play
- Spanking, paddling, flogging or caning, agreed in advance and built up gradually.
- Bondage
- Restraint with rope, cuffs or straps. Never leave a tied-up partner alone, and keep safety scissors within reach.
- Foot worship
- Kissing, massaging or simply kneeling at a Mistress's feet. One of the most popular femdom interests.
- Humiliation
- Teasing or embarrassment by agreement. What feels exciting and what feels hurtful is very personal, so it needs a careful conversation first.
Safety and care
- Limits
- The lines someone won't cross. Hard limits are absolute; soft limits are things they might try one day, slowly and with care.
- Safeword
- A word that stops everything at once, no questions asked. Choose one that would never come up during play by accident.
- Traffic lights
- A simple check-in: green means carry on, amber means ease off, red means stop.
- SSC and RACK
- Two ways of describing consent: safe, sane and consensual, or risk-aware consensual kink. Both come down to knowing what you're agreeing to.
- Negotiation
- The conversation before play in which you agree what will happen, what won't, and how to stop.
- Aftercare
- The looking-after once a scene ends: a blanket, water, a cuddle, a chat. Either partner can need it, the Mistress included.
- Sub drop
- A low mood that can follow intense play, sometimes a day or two later. Aftercare and a kind message the next day both help.
- Munch
- A casual meet-up for kinky people in a pub or café, with no play involved. A relaxed way to meet the wider community.
Glossary questions
Mistress or dominatrix: is there a difference?
Often, yes. In everyday use a dominatrix is often a professional who charges for sessions, while a Mistress you meet through dating wants a relationship rather than clients. Plenty of people use the words loosely, so it's worth asking.
Do I need to know all these terms before I join?
Not at all. Many members joined knowing very little. Say you're new on your profile, and people will usually explain as you go.
How do I address a Mistress?
However she asks to be addressed. Many profiles say; if hers doesn't, ask politely in your first message rather than guessing.
Learn the words, then use them.
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